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spending time with oneself is so addictive that now..............after one month of workin at a new place i have to set a deadline that will start work from 1'clock today...

......ooo...hhhh....eeee..rrr

The positivest of all positive
HOWEVER I STILL EXIST

....

My bravery has its limits, certainly, but so does what i am willing to swallow. Everything that begins as comedy ends as tragicomedy

By Roberto bolano

hmmmm....thats something

Despite its slippery way with time and space and narrative and Mr. Kaufman’s controlled grasp of the medium, “Synecdoche, New York” is as much a cry from the heart as it is an assertion of creative consciousness. It’s extravagantly conceptual but also tethered to the here and now, which is why, for all its flights of fancy, worlds within worlds and agonies upon agonies, it comes down hard for living in the world with real, breathing, embracing bodies pressed against other bodies. To be here now, alive in the world as it is rather than as we imagine it to be, seems a terribly simple idea, yet it’s also the only idea worth the fuss, the anxiety of influence and all the messy rest, a lesson hard won for Caden. Life is a dream, but only for sleepers.
BY MANOHLA DARGIS

Lucidity Hurts

There are booksfor when u r bored, plenty of them. There r books for when u r calm. The best kind in my opinion. There r also books for when u r sad, and there r book for when ur happy. There r books when u r thirsty for knowledge and there r books when u r desperate. The later r the knd of books ulises lima and belano wanted to write...........furthermore desperate readers are like the california gold mines sooner or later they r exhausted why ? its obvious one cant live ones whole life in despiration. In the end the body rebels, the pain becomes unbearable, lucidity gushes out in general cold spurts..................THE SAVAGE DETECTIVES BY ROBERTO BOLANO

ends you never reach

Entangled enmeshed there are few things that doesn’t always end….there might not be any need to end them and neither does their presence matter, but they are there and so vestigial.

Even if it does matter, the paranoia of calling it immaterial is worth sticking to. It’s like standing watching sleeping and waking up to find that you are still standing and watching, to find that the change of scene doesn’t matter ….the dialogues, the story, the future of the so called story every thing is so inconsequential leave apart the fact that you still are standing and watching the change of scene that no longer intrigues you.

what if all the shows are so much alike what if you don’t like any, what if you cant stand any of it and there are no exit doors….u sleep ……..to wake up again and to find that u still r standing and watching the so very inconsequential’s of life that doesn’t always end.

OR may be not.........

all around windows but no doors to escape the honking reality. Right in front under the quotes, captioned, in bold and underlined.....so, let me eat, drink, smoke and sleep to wake up again to eat, drink, smoke and sleep again with no in betweens between me and me.....lights faded ideas blurred and i dont know who survived me or reality......

.......@@@@......

It was only a few years ago when while attending the criminal class i scribbled on the top front of my criminal book freedom for those who cant live without it. It was well taken by a friend and we gulped it together from bottom till neck. Today when i reread it i wanted to read in reverse freedom for those who can live with it. Now when it belongs its been relegated to the unaccustomed pages of life that are seldom turned upon. Some time its bartered for a spanking reality and others its there for free......and quite certainly this is how the rush of life is turning into the endless crowd of the world. The list of life may not be akin to others but the newly founded entries are simply the copied ones. May be this is what life does to you or may be this is what you allow to happen. It couldnt be both and its difficult to choose which one is actually happening. Or its the easy living easy pretending syndrome and i am not averse to the idea of running after beguiling idea of life............

stubborn desire....

It wasnt the insanity, wasnt the courage or glory.......it was a plain stubborn desire that refused to subside. So though unwarranted or undesired it carried itself and got ensconced and now when part of the system its licked the most. without much fuss and while still inside it controls the entire mush and melody of life moving it around a pity pit which should have been filled years before......

.......my fav.......

.....so when one is drenched in the ocean of adulthood holding the pleasantries of practicality, so when everyone around have taken the bath one wonders what is cleansed..every thing worth keeping was lost, in the numbness of life there is no heaviness no lightness, no right no wrong, no presence or absence. the heart beats and the fear reverberates. when the routine of morning and night still survives, one hates the absurdity of change of light & life. its then you arrive to be lost to laugh....